When To Stop

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I should have put a question mark at the end of the title. ‘Cause, really, this is more of a question than a statement. When do you stop wanting more? As normal godforsaken human beings, you will want more. Maybe you have raised this question within yourself and thought, or promised, you’d stop when you get that perfect job, perfect flat, or perfect guy you want. ‘Cause you thought you knew that when you do get it you’d feel happy, fulfilled, or enough.

But you don’t.

Every fucking time.

And please don’t confuse this with not being grateful. Wanting more does not equal being ungrateful. People can be grateful and still want more. This is not a fucking equation, so those “maybe you’re not grateful enough” just don’t add up. There’s a correlation, yes, but it’s not cause-and-effect.

However, I do realize that there is a good side to this. You’ll only improve when you want more. It’s the only way you can get better in life. Or worse. Whatever. At least you’re moving towards something.

There are just so many options to choose from. How do you settle with just one?

This applies to relationships more than anything. Its most appalling form: marriage. The idea of marriage scares the hell out of me. And again, please don’t confuse this with having commitment issue. People can commit to something, yet still want more. Do you realize what commitment is? An act or course of action that is demanded of one, as by position, custom, law, or religion. In some philosophies of mind, a commitment is thought of functioning slightly differently from a belief. One may be committed to a proposition in the sense of relying on it, or using it to structure explanation and prediction, but entirely in an instrumentalist spirit, and therefore without supposing it to be true. It’s a fucking pragmatic theory which validity being determined by the success of the action. Or in other word, gambling.

Oh shit, but life is all about gambling isn’t it? Rolling the dice, hitting the cards, without having any knowledge of the result. It makes sense, but still doesn’t answer the first and foremost question: how do you stop wanting more?

I guess you just don’t. And you’ll just have to learn to deal with it.

The build up, lasted for days
Lasted for weeks. Lasted too long

Our hero, withdrew. When there was two,
he could not choose one. So there was none
Worn into the vaguely announced

The spinning top made a sound,
like a train across the valley
Fading, oh so quiet. But constant ’til it passed,
over the ridge, into the distances
Written on your ticket
To remind you where to stop
And when to get off

The Build Up – Kings of Convenience

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