The room is gloomy. Depression is hanging in the air. I switch the lamp on. You grab the remote. I stare at my laptop. You, sitting there, two feet away, are still holding the remote. Silence, along with its heaviness, is excruciating. Then I start to make pointless moves, here and there. With your back facing me, you stare at the telly. I am still staring at my laptop. Suddenly feeling disgusted with this thing that is able to connect me with the world. The world. Oh how I want to get away from it. To disappear. I am a magician’s assistant. And during the show on stage, he puts me in a box, closes the door, does these usual hand gestures he always does as if he was going to magically vanish me into thin air.. then the door opens, and poof! I am gone. Only this time I do not reappear. I actually vanish into thin air.
Your voice suddenly brings me off of the imaginary stage. You can not live like this, I hear you say, with your back still facing me. I know, I reply. I flip. But you just sit there. This is crazy isn’t it?, comes your voice again. I recognize a sentence that need not a reply when I hear one. So I just let out a silent sigh. We suffer, you and I.
6:49 AM. I can not sleep. We are in front of the telly. You are already asleep, I can just tell from the sound of your breathing. The telly is on mute. The light is creeping from the gaps on the blinds. I stare at the ceiling. Then at the posters. Then at the pictures scattered on the floor. Thoughts start running through my mind. Then I hear the sound of the clock ticking. Tick. Tick. Tick. I try to drown the voice, blending it with those thoughts that are now painfully banging in my head. Then comes total silence.. Wait. No. There is no such thing as total silence. Even when the world is silent, there is always this ringing in my ears. I call it deafening silence. Just like now. Now I am deafened by the silence.
I stare at you. You sleep with your back facing me. If someone were to take a picture of this scene, right here right now, the picture would be an art of its own. Tragic, yet beautiful. You do not deserve him, says a sudden voice in my mind. I cringe. But then somehow I hear my lips whisper the exact words, I do not deserve you.
7:17 AM. I am drifting into sleep while making a promise to myself while imagining what it would be like if someone wrote a story about me.
The sunlight hits my eyes. I wake up. Good morning you, I mumble, like I always do every other mornings. Then I turn around, while stretching an arm to hold you, but my arm hits the empty blanket. I open my eyes. You are gone. I stare at the side where you should have been on..
Then I close my eyes and sigh. I woke up only to remember you were never here. No one was ever here. I am on my own.
Then I sit down, light up a cigarette and wait for the tears to come. Every time the drugs start to wear off, the world is silent once more.
And this, is when the ringing starts.
2 Comments
July 19, 2008 at 9:55 pm
loved the ending.. trying to get a head start on the “age 30″ bet dear.. dream on.. and be ready to eat my dust after november ;p
cheers,
July 19, 2008 at 11:38 pm
oh hell yeah i am! we’ll just see who has the last laugh.
game on, man! :)